01 June 2008

Spiders oh my...




My Worst Nightmare, seriously just looking at this is freakingme out.
A short story about Me and the giant jumping spiders and other creepy crawly things and our adventures together. It all started late last summer early fall. The condo I live in is relatively new and it is a nice place to live but I began to rethink that as I keep finding unwelcomed visitors. A few of my not so favorite things...
Roaches I can handle ok as long as they aren't crawling down my back, they may out live us in the whole evolutionary scheme of things but they are dumb and can only run as fast as 3 legs will take them muah ahh ahh ahh ahh ya no puede caminar..... They are grazers they eat whatever they can find, junk mostly, and are easily disposed of.
Spiders on the other hand are intelligent hunters. They have multiple eyes which is far more creepy then anyone realizes or gives them credit for and they have long hairy legs, eight of them to aid them in moving quickly in whatever direction they please. To even think of them touching my bare skin sends me into a slight panic. Looking at pictures of spiders even creeps me out but when the spider death toll kept rising in my house I needed to know what I was up against. The infamous wolf spider it turns out like suburban areas and is particularly fond of being indoors. In particular inside my place of dwelling.
I had a running tally at one point of how many I have had to dispose of becasue they decided the rules didn't apply to them. They stay where nature intended them to, outside, and I will let them be; come inside and all bets are off. What is there to hunt in my house anyway besides me? Yeah I have thought about it, sometimes i think they are out to get me. I may have lost track but the last known tally was Spiders 0, Me 27. Yep 27 large small and weird spiders have met their demise at my feet, it's kind of sad becasue I love nature but I CANNOT handle spiders I panic and have to get rid of them, obviously.
The first one I found was big, but I soon learned it was the smaller of the broad that had taken up residence at my home. I was cleaning my bathroom and it was under my laundry basket chilling. I used a lot of hairspray screamed a lot and eventually used a handy sandal to squish it. It made a distinct popping sound that still makes my skin crawl and it's guts may have stained the wall a little. I don't know what is worse having to get close enough to kill the thing or having to after stompping it's guts out get close to it again so as to clean up the guts in all there glory and dispose of it. Of course I have to flush it because heaven forbid those missing legs reattach themselves to the pulverized body and it comes back to life to seek vengence on me. Out of sight... not out of mind.
Another time...
One night I had dozed off with the light on, I woke up for whatever reason sat up in bed and looked over to the light switch not really wanting to get up to turn it off. Then I noticed it standing there by my bedroom door a large, eight legged, hairy spider it was staring me down it was just there facing me as if it were watching me sleep. Half asleep I slipped on my flip flops and charged at it. What the are you doing in my house let alone my room and as I charged it ran through my head, it bolted. I will from here on out name all spiders Hairy and then apply cooresponding numbers to help keep track of the death toll. I believe this was Hairy the 17th. Unfortunatelly it ran right to the laundry room and under the washer/dryer. Fortunately I had a bottle of Bug-be-gone and I sprayed around the perimeter like nobody's business. Next morning hairy the 17th was belly up next to the washer. I don't mess around. In researching the Hairy's I've been finding all up in my business, it turns out that the hunting method of this particular suburban dwelling jumping wolf spider is to charge it's prey. Yeah turns out wolf spiders jump, that's awesome, NOT. Oh and that they rather enjoy the suburban home double cool. Would it be strange of me to mention that I have been charged on more then one occasion by these creepy eight legged beasts? I mean it could also be a defense mecanism and really when I have bug spray in one hand a good tennis shoe in the other and both feet shoed and in pouncing position I don't blame them one bit. I had one take a ride into the house on my pant leg one night, needless to say there was lots of girly screaming and shreaking jumping around and said spiders met it's maker after meeting the botttom of my sandal the stain still remains on the carpet in the hallway as evidence. I was uneasy for a few hours after that. They hang out in my bathroom like it is the local hot spot bar/dance club. I have found them in my laundry, on my walls in both bed/bathroom, the kitchen, in the sink in my garbage can, in the bathtub and in the laundry room. I have been forced to be creative when coming up with ways to off Hairy 1-23. Hairspary was the first it took a while to slow it down but it worked, an empty milk cartoon and multiple blows, the obvious shoe and or sandal used either on the foot or in hand if you are a good aim you can even try throwing it at the little bugger, bug spray which is slow and i'd rather rip the band-aid then let it suffer, I have a heart it is just not big enough to let the pesky hairy's live or brave enough to find an alterantive way to get them out of my house all eight legs intact. In case you couldn't tell spiders are my least favorite.
Crickets are noisy and annoying I can deal and grasshoppers large black ones creep me out and thus if they get too close all bets are off. Scorpions eeewwwww. They are nasty little buggers and the only place i remotly like to see them is in those clear little snowglobesque type things that they sell at desert museums and gift shops for tourists who come to Arizona. Ants, well I have respect for them becasue all they do is work and anyone or thing that can carry 3 times its own body weight is pretty awesome. Plus they are super tidy! But the ant spider eeewwwwwww!!!! Dont worry I have only ever seen one of those twice the first time I saw it I didn't know what it was and so in my panic it got away. The second time I still didn't know what it was but my foot was much quicker to react to the threat of it coming my way. Riley soon taught me about the Ant Spider. I'm hoping living in an upstairs apartment will defer all creepy crawly wildlife from entering. Luckily since then things have been quiet around the new place as far as the "wars" go. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the fall doesn't bring more of these creepies my way, but if so I am always prepared...

2 comments:

Lindsey & Brett said...

I'm with you. Spiders are the worst. And we all know that Brett hates spiders. Fortunate for us all, Brett became a little less scared of them one day, so now he is the killer of spiders... and pretty much all bugs.

Riley said...

You are Sting, the Spider's Bane.
You even glow blue.